My Doctor Said I Have IBS-C...

My doctor diagnosed me with IBS-C, but I promise this story has a happy ending... So far.

About a year and 4 months ago something went wrong with my innards. Who knows what the cause was, but the effect was major gas within minutes of consuming food or beverages (anything besides water) and having issues getting the food to shuffle and exit the building.

I started eating ridiculous amounts of fiber and castor oil. I tried taking Dulcolax at night. FYI, if your tummy is pretty little, start taking that stuff 8-9 hours in advance of when you plan on leaving the house OR stay awake til you handle your business. Dulcolax was harsh stuff, so I tried Epsom Salt and water with lemon juice. Disgusting vomitrocious stuff. That fizzy water in the same section as the Dulcolax? It just tasted really good. Prune juice? Tasted good. In the end, nothing really worked. My tummy inflated til I looked like I was with child, I'd get nausea, and sometimes couldn't breathe from being SO backed up. So after 2 months I went to the doctor.

My PCP told me to try out a prescription that was considered "potent stuff". After a week of no relief, I returned as he instructed. I explained I couldn't evacuate without taking the Dulcolax after the week had passed. He said to try another week's worth, but to use the Dulcolax as a backup if that didn't work. Oh, and good news: at least we know my colon still works!

I took my invisible pat on the head, went home and told my husband. He shook his head and asked why I'd never considered hydro-colonics. Hydro-what?! In hydro-colonics, they use water to encourage the colon to do what it naturally does. Another FYI? If you hit a 2-week dry spell, THAT is considered the danger zone. The light dimmed for an hour and then shined on the rest of the day that I got my first hydro-colonic. At that office, I bought digestive enzymes and Pro-Herb turkey rhubarb. I had much better digestive cycles throughout that week and the Pro-Herb capsules triggered my go-mode about an hour after ingestion!

When I returned to my dr and explained... he wasn't happy. He said he'd see me in a year since I'd fixed myself and added notes saying Turkey Rhubarb and Enzymes were my resolution. Anyway, I returned for maybe 3 more hydro-colonics within the following year.

In the past year, I learned the hard way that liquor was bad for my system along with coffee and -according to one website - decongestants since all 3 dehydrate the body. I tried to drink water at every meal and wear my belt cinched more loosely. Tight-waisted clothing really hindered... movement. Cardio REALLY helped me and strangely one time so did MSG. Although I didn't try that spice on purpose.

What else did I add to my lifestyle? Fiber with each meal, yogurt with probiotics, every herbal supplement I ever heard of related to digestion/gas, Meijer Super Enzymes with each consumption, dairy-free Kefir probiotics daily, and more fruit n' veggies. These things gradually improved my tummy.

Strangely, however, the thing that defibrillated my system?... Was food poisoning. Funny looking, tan, mushy, oil-oozing sausages made of an unidentified meat from a café I visited. Yes, people. I got diarrhea. For two weeks I welcomed food into the party and had it and my skeleton abandon me on the worst schedule possible. Every hour. I'd lost 3 pounds the next day. I scrambled to keep stock on the shelves.

After rushing hither and to for a fortnight, magically, marvelously, & magnanimously my system rebooted to its practices of a year and a half ago. I don't know if it was the combination of efforts or simply the food poisoning that worked, but Im grateful and still doing better. I still get gassy with anything but water, but now I have a plan that is proven to work for me. And I try to stick with it every day faithfully.

If you learn that you have IBS-C, don't give up. Maybe it'll take planning and hard work to overcome that bad boy. Maybe it'll take something drastic. Never give up hope that there's SOMETHING that can help. Keep trying! I am experiencing proof that relief is possible. You just have to look for it.

What's a diet?

My iPhone app defined "diet" as "the foods eaten, as by a particular person or group". Some friends of mine think it means sticking to a set list of foods some organization identifies or think it's products that have the term "diet" stamped on it.

I feel kinda frustrated when people around me start talking about "dieting". If I say "a diet is simply whatever you eat", I get the "You stuck up stupid skinny b/-(#, I hate you" look. If I tell them I think they look fine, I get the "you naive skinny b/-(#, I hate you" look. If I try to change the subject, I get the "I hate you you skinny b/-(#" look. It's a catch 22.

Here, however, I can post what I really think.

Increasing my weight (from being underweight) required me to record my regular consumption (my diet), gradually replace items with higher nutritional-valued foods that were still healthy, or gradually increase the amounts of those same items. According to math and logic, the reverse should apply for losing weight.

To lose weight, try recording your diet, and gradually replacing foods with healthier options that provide lower calories/fat/sodium/carbs, or gradually reducing the amounts of different foods. Record, replace/reduce, review.

I try to use the food pyramid, since it's simple and artistic. I also reduced my cardio from 2 hours/5 days a week to maybe 15 minutes/3 days a week. People wanting to lose weight may want to increase cardio. I increased how strenuous my workout was and toned up ridiculously. For example, when I perform more crunches, my abs smile more. Experience shows me that changes here make changes there. My husband, thinks it's good genes, heavier weights, and a good trainer, however.

I watched my husband smash 40 wing dings I cooked for my job's potluck one evening. First I got angry because I had to cook another 40 wing dings, then I wondered how fast he could drop from 240 lbs if he reduced the wing dings to 35 the next time, then 30, 25, 20, 15.

My Him wants to get fit like rapper 50Cent. If he switched his meat lovers plate at our favorite restaurant with a meal that had vegetables, would he eventually get the 6 pack he longs for? If he switched his syrup sausages and cream-of-wheat slurry for Müeslix cereal, might he stop having heartburn? If he exchanged the ketchup, BBQ sauce, and hot sauce he uses to make his "spaghetti sauce" for Prego chunky garden, could he start wearing these tank tops he marvels at in the summer?

(Shrug) one day he may try it and we'll see. If he tries, and is successful, yay for him! if he tries and fails, nothing lost. If he never tries, I still LOVE the way my Hemi looks. He's a big handsome hulking brute. I hope Himsqueeze never has health problems.

See what change does for you.... Or continue whatever you're doing (shrug). I wish myself, him, and you long happy comfortable lives.